How to Talk to Someone You Love About Getting Help

You've probably rehearsed this conversation in the car, in the shower, at two in the morning. You know what you want to say, and you also know how it could go wrong. Someone you love is struggling with drugs or alcohol, and you're trying to find words that won't push them further away.

There is no perfect script. But there are ways of talking that make it easier for a person to hear you, and there is a clear next step if they say yes. This is for the families around Charleston who are standing at that door right now.

Pick your moment, and start with love

Try not to raise it in the middle of a fight, or when they're high, drunk, or hungover and ashamed. A calm, private moment works better. Choose a time when you've both eaten, nobody is rushing out the door, and you can actually sit down.

Start with what you see and how much you care, not with what they've done wrong. “I'm worried about you, and I love you” lands very differently than a list of last month's disasters. You're not there to win an argument. You're there to open a door.

One of Still Worthy's founders, Uros Pejanovic, is described on the site as believing that “treating an addict like a prince and allowing them to speak first is crucial to their recovery.” You don't have to agree with every part of that to take the point: let them talk first, and listen for longer than feels natural.

What not to say

Shame rarely helps. Stigma and shame appear on the list of barriers that Still Worthy names for people trying to get well, and most people with an addiction already carry plenty of both. Calling someone a failure, an embarrassment, or a lost cause only confirms what they already fear.

Be careful with ultimatums you won't keep. If you say you'll cut them off and then don't, they learn that your words can be negotiated. Say only what you're prepared to do, and say it kindly. It's fine to set a boundary. It's just better to set one you can live with.

You also don't have to have it all solved. You're allowed to say, “I don't know what the answer is, but I want us to look for it together.” That sentence has opened more doors than most speeches.

If they say yes, move gently and quickly

A yes can be fragile. The willingness someone feels on a Tuesday evening may look different by Thursday morning. If they agree to get help, the best thing you can do is turn that yes into one concrete action while it is still warm.

With Still Worthy, that action is simple. You can call (843) 566-5788, or your loved one can fill out the online application. As the site puts it, “Once submitted, a member of our team will reach out to you to discuss the next steps and answer any questions you may have.” You don't need to have every detail ready first.

Sit with them while they do it, if they want you there. Some people need company to press the button. Others need privacy. Ask which one they'd prefer, and then do that.

What the residency offers, so you know what you're asking about

It helps families to know what they're encouraging a loved one toward. Still Worthy's Residency Program lists six things: access to treatment, safe and stable housing, transportation services, a spiritual community, legal assistance, and employment assistance. That is a lot of practical help for someone who may arrive with very little.

The program is also openly Christian and built around a God-centered 12-step approach. If your loved one isn't comfortable with that, say so out loud before they apply, and let them put their questions to the team directly. An honest fit matters more than a fast one.

It also helps to know that Still Worthy was founded by people whose own experiences with recovery shaped the work. That doesn't make the road easy, but it does mean the people answering the phone have often thought hard about the questions you're about to ask.

Looking after yourself while you wait

Families often forget that they are hurting too. You may be tired, angry, scared, and carrying a lot of guilt. Find someone to talk to: a friend, a pastor, a support group for families. You can't carry this alone, and you shouldn't have to.

One safety note, because it matters. If anyone is in immediate danger, call 911 first. Everything else can wait until they are safe.

When you're ready, call (843) 566-5788 or write to up@stillworthy.org. Ask your questions, even the ones that feel silly. A kind voice on the other end of the line is a good place to start.